Monthly Archives: April 2013

Banks, bail-ins, and dumb humans.


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Humans is dumb. I mean real dumb. It’s amazing that they are in charge of so much, like the can opener and the food pebbles, because they are so dumb. Now I’m not talking Great Dane or Doberman dumb, but dumb none the less.

I was lounging in a sunbeam a while ago, while the hairy biped that gives me food pebbles, belly rubs, and occasionally tuna, was staring at the loud picture machine. It was talking about new banking regulations and something called “bail-ins”. It must have been very important because my human was having a contest with the picture machine on who could be the loudest, and hairy-two-legs was winning.

I was rather put out that I wasn’t getting any belly rubs, head scratches, or large servings of tuna because I was giving the human one of my bestest cute poses and I was getting nothing. The picture machine was getting all the attention.

So during the biped sleepy time, I logged on to the computer like I always do, but instead of going to the Puppy Dogs R Stupid forums, I did some research on these banking regulations because I wanted to know what this competition for the human’s attention was.

Turns out there are these things called banks, and the humans put all of their riches there. They put them in these things called savings accounts and the bank holds their riches and pays them a little bit so the bank can use their riches to make more riches. The bank pays them a VERY little bit. The most popular of these savings accounts are “High Interest” savings accounts. This “high” interest is 1.10%, which is very confusing since at the same bank they offer a “low interest” credit card at 14.25%. There are also many fees involved if you want to use your riches such as transfer fees, withdraw fees, user fees and convenience fees.

So if a human has 1000 riches in their high interest savings account they get 11 riches by the end of the year from the high interest and pay a minimum of 60 riches in fees.

Now I’m not Abyssinian or Burmese smart, but even I can figure out that these savings accounts sound like they have been misnamed. They should be called a “lose your riches account” instead. And I don’t think these high interest rates are very interesting at all, so I’m not sure why the biped would pay more attention to the picture machine than a feline in a sunbeam.

One sec. I have a hairball. *HACK, HACK, HACK, SPLORGE*

There, right where the human sits down so he’ll notice it.

Anyway, my sister told me that the humans don’t mind paying fees because they know that their riches are safe in the banks and they don’t have to worry about losing their riches, like under the fridge or stove where my rubber mouse always ends up. Riches in the bank are safe riches.

My sister Emma thinks she is so smart. Imma tackle her. *SMASH, TACKLE, BITE, MEEEEOW, SMASH, HISS*

Hee… that was fun!

So it seems there is this place called Cyprus and the banks there made some bad investment decisions and they ran out of their own riches. They probably invested in stupid things like dog biscuits, or rawhide bones, or dogs. Usually, when banks are dumb, the government bails them out and pays their bills. But in Cyprus, the government didn’t have enough riches to bail out the banks.

I don’t know what the big deal is; Cyprus is an island and is surrounded by water, and water is where the fishes live. Who cares about the riches, GO EAT THE FISHES!

Anyway, the Cyprus banks ended up taking the riches out of the human’s savings accounts to pay their bills and that made the Cyprus humans mad and they got the crazies. This is apparently called a “bail-in”.

The loud picture machine said that the Canadian Government is introducing a “Bail-In” clause on page 155 of the Canadian Budget. So I guess my human is afraid of losing his riches; the riches that are exchanged to get me food pebbles and tuna.

I think humans should just put their riches under the stove with my rubber mouse cuz nobody is gonna get that out of there anytime soon. I also think that I should break that loud picture machine so a cat can get some belly rubs around here, because…

OH MY GOD! THERE’S A BIRD IN THE TREE OUTSIDE THE WINDOW!

*scamper, scamper, yowl, scamper, smash, wham, wham, wham, meeeeeeeeeooooooow*

Oh.

It flew away.

Where was I?

Oh ya. Humans is dumb.

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BK/jbj

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